When It Rains It Pours
by seattlegracegirl
Summary: An alternative ending/extension to 'A Brave New World'. If you haven't seen it, spoiler alert!


Tears were not uncommon around Holby City Hospital. The nature of the place ensured that on any given day, there were a number of people, patients and staff alike to be found with tears streaming down their faces.

Some days, however, were worse than others. No one had died. The hope that lived in a few hearts, however, had taken a fair beating.

Bernie watched Serena practically run out of the lift in her effort to escape the awkward tension that had developed between them. Given that she had exited on the floor for the AAU department, the blonde considered she really should have followed her. Letting the lift doors close, however, she decided the start of her shift could wait ten minutes. She needed them. Biting her lip, she felt the sting of tears and tried furiously to blink them away.

As soon as the doors opened next, she stepped out, taking a few seconds to acquaint herself with where she was before making for the nearest bathroom. She had thankfully landed on Keller, and so was familiar enough with the layout to make her escape without being stopped by any familiar faces. Entering the bathroom, she locked herself in a cubicle, leaning heavily against the back of the closed door before letting her tears truly flow. She was learning that sometimes, it was best to just let the tears go and move on.

How could she have been so stupid? What had she been thinking, kissing Serena? It had been a stupid course of action full stop, never mind in the circumstances they had been operating under. And why had she allowed herself to hope when Serena had kissed her back? The woman was a hetero-sexual through and through, and her best friend to boot. She had so much to lose.

And this morning in the lift? How could she not have realised after Serena had hot-footed it out of the hospital last week that this wouldn't have played on her mind quite so much, left her feeling so vexed? Yes, she had thought about their kiss herself over the weekend. A lot, if she were honest, but coming in this morning, her own mind had been on Fletch. She had rather expected Serena's to be, too. The tears came hot and fast. The brunette had sounded so desperately unsure of herself, so painfully uncomfortable. And once again, her thoughtless actions had been the cause.

She slammed her fist into the cheap panelling of the cubicle door in anger at herself. Taking a deep breath, she wiped her eyes once more. She would not lose Serena; couldn't bear to. So, if that meant she had to swallow her feelings, if only to ensure the other woman's comfort and their friendship, she would. Heartbreak was nothing new to her. She had survived it before. She would survive it again.

Her mind made up, she found herself able to breathe more easily. It was going to be torture, but she would do her damn well best to reassure Serena she was not trying to threaten their friendship, or put the woman into a tailspin. She had been tired, emotional and in need of support. Serena had offered that support and she had kissed her, well… _because she wanted to._ She wouldn't mention how the brunette had clutched as her and kissed her back quite so fiercely.

Squaring her shoulders, she stepped back and unlocked the door, heading for the mirrors to tidy up her make-up and ensure she didn't look quite so much as if she'd had a minor emotional breakdown before her shift.

Having been quite so wrapped up in her own turmoil, Bernie hadn't previously noticed the crying coming from the other locked stall. A quick glance back at the door gave her a peak at trainers and green scrubs beneath it, confirming the occupant to be a colleague. As much of a useless state as she was in herself, she found she couldn't ignore the sound. Tapping gently on the door, she cleared her throat. "Are you okay?"

She heard the sniffling within stop for a second. "I will be."

 _Essie_ , she recognised the voice. "Anything I can do to help? Would you like me to go and get Sacha?"

"No!" came the instant reply, a desperate tone to the other woman's voice.

"Okay," acknowledged Bernie quietly. "I won't. Can I do anything, or would you rather I just go?" She stepped back as she heard the door unlock. Essie's tear stained cheeks were a mirror of her own. The best she could offer was a sad smile.

"Good start to your day, too?" asked the shorter woman as she moved in front of the mirror.

Joining her as they went about their attempts at disguising their tears, Bernie nodded. "Me making a mess of things as usual. Seems that besides surgery it's my next best talent." She opened her small make-up bag, placing it on the counter as she went about re-applying the minimal make-up she was now in the habit of wearing. Why she was bothering, she didn't know. She had only worn it for Serena and now that she was determined to put a stop to whatever silly notions of romance she had in that area, there was no real point to it.

"Do you mind if I?" Essie gesture to her bag on the counter.

She shook her head. "Not at all. Though there's not much in it, I'm afraid."

"Thank you," said Essie, managing a small smile. She re-applied some mascara and dotted a small amount of lip gloss onto her finger before applying it to her lips. Looking in the mirror, she was glad to see a more normal version of herself looking back at her. She glanced at the Major in the mirror, getting a small smile in return. She didn't know Bernie well, but somehow, felt comfortable as they stood in silence, each lost on their own thoughts. "Mother nature tricked me again," she finally said, though not sure why. Perhaps she just wanted someone other than herself to know. Someone who wasn't so emotionally invested, who could just be there, listen and say nothing more. "I really thought I was pregnant this time."

"Oh, Essie," breathed the other woman. "I'm so sorry." She had heard through the grapevine that Sacha and she had been trying for a baby. Evidently, without success. "I really am."

Essie nodded, appreciating the sincerity of the woman next to her, as she turned to face her properly. "I don't know why I told you that. I just…"

"Don't worry," said Bernie. "It won't go any further. I may have not have been the best at keeping my own life private, but I know the value of privacy in a place like this. I won't breathe a word."

Without a doubt, Essie knew the words were true. "Thank you. Anything I can do to help you?" she asked, hoping to offer at least some of the mild comfort the army medic had given her.

Bernie let out a chuckle. "Not unless you can convince me to stop falling in love and doing stupid things." She shook her head. "I thought I'd learned my lesson. Turns out I just found new mistakes to make."

"If it's any consolation, we all do stupid things. I seem to have a knack for finding even more new and stupid things to do on a weekly basis. Like believing in feelings rather than medical science and facts." She sighed. "But we live and learn."

"We do indeed," said Bernie. Taking a deep breath, she gave herself a quick once over in the mirror as she tucked her make-up bag away. "And somehow we even survive. What will be, will be, I guess."

Essie nodded. "Well, thank you for the morning therapy session." She started to head for the door. "I might see you later. At the drinks thing for Sacha's birthday."

"Let's hope we don't find each other crying in the bathroom again."

* * *

So Serena had kissed a girl at a party in…where was it again, Stratford, Stevenage…oh what did it matter where? Bernie had successfully picked up on the important part of the sentence. Serena had kissed a girl. And her tone and attempt at a playful smile suggested she hadn't hated it. Yes, admittedly, she had referred to their own kiss as a 'dalliance' but that was much better than calling an ordeal or something equally as negative. A dalliance could be many things. And dammit, a dalliance gave Bernie hope.

Of course, the brunette was still avoiding her. _'_ _Letting her take care of herself…'_ The blonde had tried her best not to smirk at the Freudian slip. She shook her head, heading off to do a final round of her patients before preparing for surgery. She couldn't push this. She had already pushed too far too fast. She had to let this play out on Serena's terms now.

* * *

So Serena hadn't kissed some lucky lady at a party in Stepney. Serena was scared stiff and she was trying her best not to show it, keeping herself busy by ' _wishing herself dead_ '. Of course, she said she hadn't meant it like that, but the sentiment was clear. Serena wasn't just scared, the blonde realised, she was terrified…of her. Feeling her heart sink, the blonde had made the best of the situation. Surgery was their safe place. A place where they both had something to occupy their minds, their eyes and their hands without the worry of everything else that was going on.

As they had settled into the procedure, however, Serena's mind had indeed wandered. The offer of drinks had thrown Bernie somewhat, but she couldn't help but give a cheeky response. She hoped that the more relaxed environment would put Serena less on edge, and they could talk properly rather than blurting out things in busy corridors.

* * *

Serena had never been more thankful for a message from her service provider in her life. Sitting in their shared office, listening to Bernie try to do the right thing and watching her put that _distance_ between them…it had broken her. She had all but downed her first glass of wine and had been about to pour a second when her phone had gone off, giving her the out she needed.

She made it as far as the lift before the tears started. She had spent the weekend replaying the kiss over and over in her mind. Trying to convince herself that it meant nothing and had been a spur of the moment thing, borne out of exhaustion and a deep need for comfort. By Saturday evening, however, she had to admit to herself that the way she had reacted, almost on instinct, and the way her body had reacted, it meant more. It always meant more with Bernie. Always had, she realised. She had never acted the way she did with the blonde with another woman before. The flirting and touching had become second nature before she had even realised it was happening.

By that morning, she had been terrified of facing her friend, the living, breathing embodiment of her as yet unexplored sexuality – only to then be trapped in the lift with her. She just hadn't been ready. After talking to Fletch, however, both in his unconscious and his conscious state she had come to the realisation he was right. The little things, the rumour mill, the whispers…what did they matter when she could have a chance at happiness?

She had her keys her in hand as she left the hospital doors, wanting to make as quick an exit as possible. In the confines of her car, away from prying eyes, her tears fell even more heavily down her cheeks. She tried and failed three times to get her keys into the ignition, the moisture in her eyes and the shaking of her hands making it impossible. Resting her forehead on the steering wheel, she cursed the blonde. Since when was Bernie Wolfe fucking _wise_?

And why the hell had she simply nodded? She had spent the entire day trying to build up the courage to tell the woman that yes, she was terrified, but that wasn't a bad thing. Yes, she hadn't been thinking when she had kissed Bernie back, but that didn't mean she regretted it. She had only been feeling in that moment and she had kissed her back because she wanted to and right then, it had felt like the only thing in the world to do.

Wiping furiously at her tears, she jammed the key in the ignition, successfully this time, and fired the car up. She needed to be away from this place. She needed wine.

Serena paced her bedroom, barefoot, glass of wine in hand. Jason had taken up residence in the living room for a quiz show marathon and was satisfied with her promise of a take-away. She spent a good ten minutes in the car outside of the house before coming in making sure she had her mask in place and managed to keep a lid on her tears until she was safely closed away in her room, telling Jason she had a headache. She didn't mention her heartache.

"Undeniable sexual chemistry, she says," muttered Serena between mouthfuls of wine. "How does someone acknowledge you have that, toast it even, and then tell you no?" She sat down on the end of her bed. How on earth could Bernie say what she had, and then tell her she wanted to forget it ever happened? The moment of the second (and rather surprising) sexual awakening of Serena's life, and Bernie just wanted to forget it? She had literally just found the confidence to admit it to herself, and now it felt like the blonde was pulling the rug from under her.

It was the smart thing to do, she knew, to not act on this. Bernie was trying to do the right thing, to make her feel comfortable. But what the hell use was that? And what had she been thinking when she had let the blonde steer their conversation as she had? She hadn't even let her finish her sentence. She had tried to say that if the younger woman was trying to tie her in knots, it _wasn't_ working. She had it all planned out. She was going wait until Bernie had sat down in the chair that she had deliberately dragged closer to her desk, take her hands and tell her that she hadn't been thinking when she had kissed her, but what she felt when she had, had made her think. Left her unable to think about anything else, actually, and that although she was terrified, Bernie made her feel safe. Made her feel a lot of things, and she wanted to explore that with her.

With plans like that how had she ever let the blonde fob her off with excuses of a messy divorce and her so called heterosexuality? What the hell did they mean when faced with the fact she was in love with her best friend?

The sound of the doorbell pulled her from her despair. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, not particularly caring what state the delivery boy found her in. Descending the stairs, she called to Jason she would bring his dinner through shortly. Grabbing her purse from the side table, she pulled open the door.

Looking up, she froze when she found none other than Berenice Griselda Wolfe on her doorstep, wringing her hands nervously just as she had been in the lift this morning. Had it really only been this morning? "Bernie? What are you doing here?"

The blonde opened her mouth to speak, but found that nothing would come out. Any words she had died on her tongue at the sight of Serena, tears still in her eyes. She stepped closer, cupping the brunette's cheek in her hand. "I'm sorry," she said, tears gathering in her own eyes.

Serena covered the hand cupping her cheek, before pulling the younger woman inside. Closing the door behind them, she briefly left the Bernie in the hallway as she stepped into the living room, leaving her purse with Jason and telling him that he would need to answer the door to the delivery man as she had very important business she had to discuss with Ms Wolfe.

Returning to the hallway, she took Bernie by the hand and led her to the kitchen without a word, closing the door behind them.

"Serena, I'm sorry," breathed the army medic. "You were trying to say something to me tonight, and I was too busy trying to do the right thing to let you." She moved towards the kitchen table, moving two of the chairs close together and settling herself in one. She gestured towards the empty chair beside her. "I won't say a word this time, I promise."

Serena didn't move. Rooted to the spot.

"Serena, please," said Bernie. "I have replayed what happened in our office tonight over and over again, and the one thing I cannot shift from my mind was the look on your face." She dropped her gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry I caused that." She didn't look up again until she heard the soft rustle of fabric and Serena settled in the chair next to her.

"You do realise that if I say what I want to say, things will change?" asked the brunette, taking a deep breath. She watched the gentle smile spread across Bernie's lips, and that spark return to her eyes.

"Yes," came the breathy response.

Serena nodded. Wasn't this precisely what she had wanted? A chance to have this conversation over again? She bit her lip before reaching out and taking the blonde's hands in her own, distracted for a moment as the other woman adjusted their grasp until their fingers were laced together. "Bernie, when I said you terrified me earlier, I meant that. But I wanted to say that's not a bad thing, because somehow, you terrify me and make me feel safe all at once. This may all be new to me, and I may not have kissed a girl in Stepney, but I kissed you. I kissed you because I wanted to." She paused, noting that she had echoed the words Bernie spoke earlier and, struggling to find the words she wanted to continue. "I don't know what I am, bisexual, lesbian, but I don't care. Whatever I am, I'm a woman who can't appear to resist you."

Bernie couldn't contain the smile of pure joy that spread across her entire face. Disentangling one of her hands, she reached up to cup Serena's blushing cheek, opening her mouth to reply.

The brunette, however, held up a hand. "I'm not finished. I know you're going through a messy divorce, but quite frankly I don't care. As for my supposed heterosexuality, well, that seems to have gone out the door when you walked in." She took a deep breath. "I'm not saying I have it all figured out, because I don't. And it's not perfect, and neither am I, but what I can say with absolute certainty is that you make me feel…so many things, and I want to explore each and every one of them with you." Looking at the blonde's beaming face, she couldn't help but return a matching grin. "Now, unless you have any objections, I'm going to kiss you now." She leant in, Bernie meeting her halfway. Serena's hands slid into blonde curls, grinning into the kiss when she was all but dragged from her chair to sit on the other woman's lap.

It was then she realised she had wasted so many hours of her life of late worrying over absolutely nothing. Fletch truly had been right; the little things didn't matter. Labels and rumours and gossip. Right now, it only mattered that Bernie's arms were wrapped around her waist and her tongue was moving languidly against her own. It mattered that this felt right and she never wanted to let this woman go.

"Aunty Serena? Is Major Wolfe staying for dinner?"

Serena parted her lips from the blonde's, slightly breathless as she leant their foreheads together, but making no other effort to move. She hadn't even heard the kitchen door open. "Yes Jason," she grinned, her eyes never leaving the other woman's. "Major Wolfe is staying." She finally turned to face her nephew. "In fact, Major Wolfe is going to be around the house a lot more, is that okay with you?"

"Is she good at quiz shows?" he asked as he moved towards the table, putting down his pizza box and the bag containing Serena's order down on the table.

The brunette smiled. "Oh, Bernie is very good at a lot of things, Jason." She didn't miss the gentle squeeze of the hands around her waist at her words.

This apparently, was answer enough. "I'll get her another plate out. And maybe when you two have finished talking, she came come through and watch television with me."

"Thank you Jason," smiled the blonde. "That's very kind of you. I think your Aunty Serena and I still have a lot to talk about tonight, but maybe next time I'm here we can have a proper battle of the brains?"

He grinned. "I'd like that. Aunty Serena is rubbish at quiz shows. She gets bored halfway through." Moving towards the cupboard, he brought out the extra plate as promised, putting it on the table in front of the two women. "Can I eat my pizza in the living room?"

"Yes, Jason, of course," Serena smiled. "I think Bernie and I are going to eat in here. You go and enjoy your television." She watched as he lifted his own plate and cutlery, balancing them on the top of his pizza box before exiting the room, closing the door behind him.

"You'd better not get bored with me halfway through," smirked the blonde when they were alone once more.

Turning back towards the woman she was currently using a chair, Serena grinned. "Oh, I don't think I could ever get bored of you." She leant in to place a kiss to smiling lips, relishing the fact that she could; that it felt like the most natural thing in the world to do. "Now, I do believe I offered you drinks tonight." Wiggling her way off of the blonde's lap (and not missing the small moan that she elicited from Bernie in doing so) Serena moved to fetch the bottle of Shiraz from the sideboard and two clean glasses.

"Wine and now dinner?" chuckled Bernie. "I do believe this just might count as a date."

Serena turned back to the table, placing the glasses down. Filling them both, she slid one carefully over to the blonde. "Perhaps I can make the toast this time? A better one? Although, I won't deny we do have undeniable sexual chemistry." She watched as the other woman lifted her glass, sitting back in her chair as she gave her her full attention. With a smile, Serena lifted her glass, holding the gaze of the woman before her as she spoke, this time, with confidence. "To you, to me, and to us." She shuffled around the table, coming to stand between the blonde's legs. She felt the flutter in her stomach when Bernie's arms came to drape casually around her waist, the curve of the wine glass still held in her hand sitting comfortable against the small of her back. "To our first imperfect date, and the many I hope will follow."

"To us," echoed Bernie, only releasing her enough to raise her glass to gently chink against the woman before her. "And making it through each and every mess or our own making, and whatever the world throws at us."


End file.
